The Five Expressions You Hear from Hell (with one sounding just like it)
(Note: this entry, for most part, can only be understood by Pinoy readers. This is my first Pinoy-exclusive entry)
I believe everyone is unique; as one of my t-shirts suggests: God made everyone special in their own way. Let it be in appearance, opinion, attitude, sense of humor, and dignity, nobody’s the same.
Yet, I can’t help but get aggravated every time the masses have to imitate the annoying expressions that should’ve just been left on the TV, magazine, or where else they came from.
Just what is it with mass suggestion that compels many to bear insurmountable and blind obedience? I’m willing to bet that most people have greater tendency to obey what’s practiced by many than what’s suggested by their parents. Among the many, five mass suggested words actually gave people the impression that whoever is using them is cool. If lambasting words is what they call cool, I’m blessed to be excluded.
The five mass suggested words/expressions that annoys me the most are:
1. Joke joke joke! - I wonder where this expression came from. Was it from contemporary comedy shows our country has no lack of? Was it from the Ocho-ocho music that, thankfully, has diminished from DJ’s memory? In any case, I don’t think a word is meant to be used thrice in succession. Because because because if if if that that that is is is the the the case case case, it it it would would would be be be really really really confusing confusing confusing. See, Bill Gates (as shown in his MS Office) doesn’t acknowledge that as a proper grammar usage, and for the first time in my life I’m with him. To aggravate the annoyance is the way the expression is pronounced: with effusive stress or intonation. Every time I hear a person say joke Joke JOKE, I feel very ungrateful of my ears not having enough earwax.
2. Pwede/Tama pronounced as pwe-DE! or ta-MA! - Actually, pwede or tama is as standard a Filipino word as anything you can think of (for example, babae or lalake). It’s just that lately, people have grown too fond of pronouncing it another way; this alternative being so overused the original pronunciation actually became the real alternative. Just what is so cool about saying pwede or tama (and probably other two-syllabled Filipino words) with the exaggerated rising intonation? Whatever happened to simplicity and minimalism? For a testament of how popular the word pwede has become in the recent year (of course, due to its rise of the stupid pronunciation), an eatery by Taft Avenue, near St. Scholastica, is actually named "PWEDE!". In all caps, no less. And I bet you 10 dollars that the boss of this eatery has every intention to pronounce it "pwe-DE".
3.Kap Xiao, Cha Xiao, So Xiao, or whatever Xiao I can think of, or even just Xiao - this is actually a pseudo-Chinese word. Pseudo, because I’m compelled to believe that most of the prefixes attached to Xiao do not, actually, exist in the Dictionary. Xiao actually means sperm cell. Cha means noisy (Huh? Noisy sperm?). Kap, So or whatever other prefixes, are actually invented by people desperate of make new swear word. I’m looking at a certain loathe-inducing classmate of mine, who majors in BS Swearology. He IS that desperate intern from my previous entry. He’s not in my list of friends, either, because he is not my friend. For unknown reasons, Philippine’s Chinatown populace find it cool to put swear words in their conversations, as if our Chinatown do not have enough horse dung. It’s annoying, because not only does it grate to the ears, but it’s actually dirty words that I have even lesser respect of than the "internationally-coveted" four-lettered ones. Whereas fuck or shit (don’t gasp. I’m just describing the words) actually came with a rich etymology, Xiao is something that sprang from those with no better things to love but his own sperm. AMAZINGLY, over half of the people who use Xiao actually do not know what it means. Please, oh please, let sperm only come out in testicles, and not in the head above shoulders. And a note to all Filipino’s who want to learn Chinese: if you don’t want to lose respect, never use the Xiao word. That’s coming from a Taiwanese.
As for how annoying the pronunciation: replace the way you say shoo with Xiao, which makes it even more vulgar. Because people would say shoo when they want something out. When you say Xiao in the same manner, heaven knows what you want to let out.
4. Grover - I shamefacedly admit of having used this expression once, and only once. This expression was from way back. Back in the early 90’s when I was in my elementary days - loathed by teachers, grover is one of those overused expressions. Remember the scene in the movie Mean Girls where Lindsay Lohan accidentally combined the word great and cool into "Grool"? It was kind of cute. Now, think "Grover", being kind of cute as well. Then spin it around a thousand times and I bet it gets tiresome - kind of like Celine Dion music, except Celine’s music was never kind of cute. Grover, like Grool (which, thankfully, only stayed in the movie/HBO/TV/DVD/VCD/piracy/people drooling over Lindsey) is the combination of two words, except that it actually made less sense than grool, because the words grabe and over literally means the same, while the magnitude of difference between great and cool depends on its context. Probably the least unnerving of the listed expressions, grover still annoys me, because it really isn’t a word! It’s a name! It’s an adorable Sesame Street character! Every time I hear people fling the "grover" expression I get reminded of a certain blue Sesame Street’s monster, or a certain plant that, when with four leaves, brings luck. That, however, isn’t all. It’s funny how every time people have to say grover, they say it like "Grabe! Over! Grover!" It’s synonymous to saying "Torture! Tune! Tortune!" Yeah, thanks for reminding me the atrocious origin of the word! Well, at least "grover" has an etymology. As for the pronunciation: rise and fall intonation, respectively, makes grOW-VEr sounds completely awkward.
5. Heller - in English dictionary, heller is a rowdy and mischievous person. Rowdy and mischievous is the person who had the effrontery to induce nausea by using "Heller" in the same context as "Hello". This one is the most annoying and the most overused expression of those I’ve listed. Whatever happened to the plain and simple "Hello"? In this country, people who say heller are revered to as people of high social status. They would greet people with heller. And whenever something really senseless occurred to them, they would say heller instead of hello! And because in this country so many people have the tendency to try so hard to look like they’re from the high culture, heller become used EVERYWHERE! I’m really blessed that Renee Zellweger never said "You had me at heller!" Hear it on local (and most of the time, senseless) TV programs. The local TV channels even had no shame as to dub "heller" in Korean telenovellas. The annoying DJ’s of Love Radio use "heller" excessively. Heck, I’ve even encountered a blog lambasted with heller, and therefore I wish that she read this so that she will stop using heller, because I want to tell her I got so embarrassed I couldn’t bear to read her blog anymore. Hear it in my school, your school, your vain sibling/s, your maid, your seatmate in school, office, FX, jeep, your government, your professor, your academically stupid but street-smart classmate’s term paper, your rival, your girlfriend, or even boyfriend, your news commentator, etc. I’m not lying if I tell you that almost never does a day pass without me hearing the word "Heller"! To further illustrate how distorted people’s illusion of how heller is revered, one time I was asked to help youths on a skit. I commented that a character has to act like she’s rich.
So the scene comes and she was to make a phone call.
The girl, in an unconvincing attempt to sound rich, said, "Heller!"
Please, make it stop!
6. The dishonorable mention: a chew-chew-chew! Please, Boy Abunda, I’d rather you be chewing Chewbaccas (or your own words) than hear you use this expression again.
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Every language has its own rich history. It was stated in a certain issue of Reader’s Digest that there’s some sort of word association (for any given language) that decides whether or not a potential new word or a new meaning to a word should be added in the dictionary, and one big criteria for this to happen is the commonality of usage of a certain new word, or a word’s new implications. But for these five overused words/expressions, I hope our country’s word association committee never decides to put them in its dictionary. Otherwise, I’d stock up on correction fluids and efface its every entry on every dictionary! Yes, whereas office workers are desperate for love, I’m desperate to stop the proliferation of certain words.
