Destination Unknown

Just this morning, I read a new post in friendster called 10 Unwritten Rules of Friendster. While some of the rules are pretty convincing, I have to say I vehemently disagree with the author’s way of expressing his/her thoughts. For those who want to read ad hominem arguments and agree with it, feel free. I, on the other hand, feel that what’s supposed to be 10 unwritten rules in friendster is more like 10 things that annoy the author. Besides, there’s no evidence to corroborate most of his/her arguments.

Without further ado, let’s start. Note: I type my opinions in boldface.

1. To the people who have like more
than 500 friends, are you serious? Nobody in this
universe has that many friends…you’re stupid and
desperate. Go kill yourself.

Speak for yourself, mate.

I won’t kill myself because I have 500 friends. Really, do you know every single person in the universe well enough to know that nobody has more than 500 friends? What if you’re, like me, a person who frequently travels, and stays for a given time, from one place to another? What if, in 20 years, you’ve studied in 3 different schools? What if you’re a leader of youth seminars? If such a person do not get to know more than 500 people, then heck, this world must really be underpopulated. Recent figure shows it’s not. To be honest, I know more than 500, or even 1000 people, yet I only have around 521 friends in my friendster account. Quite a bargain already, isn’t it?

Okay, granted, I do not know 500 people so well. In fact, I think people who I truly consider to be close friends amount to only around 20, or maybe even less. Friendster’s objective has never been merely about connecting with people who are close to the user. It’s also a place where you connect with your acquaintances and maybe meet up with new people (really depends on the purpose of why you’ve joined friendster. It varies among different people.) Now, it may not necessarily be true that all 500 people in a "FULL" friendster account are truly people whom one considers friends, so that’s where the user’s social skills are tested. To some people, most of the friends in their network are just figures: placed there to be an added weight. To others, however, most of the 500 count. In fact, I daresay that if it isn’t because of friendster, I wouldn’t have known acquaintances like Rache and Clarence better, and I wouldn’t even get a chance to meet someone like Seulki.

2. If you’re ugly stop acting like you don’t
know it. The captions under your picture that
say "Top Model Pose" doesn’t convince anybody.
At least work on your personality.

I have to agree on this one to an extent. However, I do not think that we should be too harsh in judging other’s beauty. Recall the tired cliche: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’ve known people who look horrible in my eyes, yet they strike as a real eye catcher to others. Regarding putting a caption "Top Model Pose", well, it may be egotistical, but if that’s the user’s only means to boost his/her self esteem, then why should you smite him/her with this kind of statement? Besides, if the following quote makes you feel better, empty barrels make the most noise, right?

3. Don’t ever post pictures and say "omg im
so ugly" because if you were, you wouldn’t post
them. Please put the rod and reel away ‘coz your
just fishin’ for compliments.

It goes back to what I was saying to counter argument number 2. Face it: people have their different means to entertain themselves. If they are entertained with posting pictures while claiming those pictures to be their top model pose, why should we stop them when it harms no one? Similarly, if they want to call themselves ugly, well, let them! The ground where most friendster users stand in is a free country. This means, they have the freedom of their self-image.

4. Nobody cares about threats over the
internet. Don’t try to act hard with the
keyboard…that’s so sad. unless you actually
physically beat someone with the keyboard. Then
that would be ironically hilarious.

Okay, so I really agree with this one. But honestly, don’t you sound like you’re threatening users who do not abide by friendster’s unspoken rules?

5. If all your pictures look the same…don’t
post them all! Please put some variety in your
pics. Nobody wants to see your face 8 different
ways. I don’t care if its inverted, black and
white, or
faded out. A face is a face is a face.

You do not understand Photoshop, do you? It is the hobby of some to use different features of Photoshop to enhance images. Who knows, people who post multiple pictures of the  same pose but with different image enhancements might actually be trying to impress jobhunters. Besides, isn’t there a "Jobs" feature in friendster?

6. Who really gives a rats ass if I don’t accept
you as a friend…MOVE ON. Don’t send me
another request or message asking "what’s up?" I
don’t want you as a friend or I just don’t care,
that’s
what’s up!

You could do well not to write in such an ad hominem manner such as using the word "rats ass". I agree with your statement, but you could’ve delivered it with more objectivity and less angst.

Beside, it’s "rat’s ass". If this is any consolation though, I feel like a jerk being a grammar police.

7. LITTLE 10, 11, 12, 13+ years old who have
friendster and LOOK LIKE SLUTS, go
somewhere else because NOBODY wants you
here except pedophiles, and is that what you want?
To be raped? No you don’t, so RUN FAST!!

Please show me pics of little "10, 11, 12 and 13+ years old" that "Look Like Sluts". Don’t get me wrong: I’m not a pedophile. It’s just that this argument of yours is so weak that I need to know who or what categorizes as "10, 11, 12, and 13 year olds" that look like sluts.

I’m speaking of the 10/11/12/13 year olds, of course.

8. No one is really going to die in 6 days or
have bad relationships for 5 years just because
they don’t pass your bulletin on. So stop saying
that!

I agree, but this statement has been made before. Do you check your e-mail? If this is the statement you’re trying to make then why don’t you just (re)post the "angst against chain letters" e-mail, which has been circulating around for a while, instead?

9. If you have decided to read this, you are a
true Friendster Friend. Real friends read their
bulletins.

I don’t know if I’m glad that you have made a sycophantic comment to people like me even just this once. Do you call people who flood 10-same-message-bulletins in the bulletin boards as "real friends"? And do you call people who open the 10-same-message-bulletins 10x "real friends" as well? I’m more inclined to think that those two kind of people need to get out more. Otherwise, friendster users who do read bulletin boards (that are not floods) : yeah, they are indeed true Friendster Friend in my book.

10. It serves to eliminate people who are
desperately trying to add "friends" like it’s a
popularity contest in high school. Good
riddance!

I’d love to make a post about techniques of people desperately trying to add "friends", except I think it would be full of ad hominem statements.

I don’t know why you’re so agitated about trifling issues such as this one.

This is a test to see how many people in your
friends list actually pay attention to you.

Copy and repost in your own bulletin as "10
UNWRITTEN RULES OF FRIENDSTER"

See, instead of merely reposting this in the bulletin board, I posted it in my blog. It’s much less evanescent, ephemeral, transient, fugacious and temporary. Do you love me now? :grins:

Probably not, seeing as to how I disagreed with many of your "rules". I have to give you credit though: your post was an interesting diversion.

Next. Time. However. Try. To. Be. A. Little. More. Objective.

I had an alternative title for this entry. I thought "Insomniac’s Diary", but for some reason the word "diary" has too much of a feminine touch in it. It’s not that I’m sexist, but there’s a line on how much feminism I’m willing to take before I feel squirmish. Using the word "diary" vaults across that line.

Then, I also had another title, "On Being Nocturnal". The word "nocturnal", like its counterpart "diurnal", is a pretty impressive word that’s probably meant for people who like to impress others with their wide range of diction. While I clearly see the title might have a "wow!" factor in it, I thought it’s horribly insincere. Nocturnal basically implies people who are at the most productive during the nighttime. God knows I’m not always productive at night. Look at my college transcript of record for proofs (mainly because for most of the courses I took up, I only study during the night)

"Confessions of a (blank)" is a kind of standard template these days. There’s "Confessions of a Shopaholic" and "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind". Anything with this template for a title somehow implies that what you’re about to witness is a memoir. Now that I think of it, "Memoirs of a (blank)" has also become a template, "Memoirs of a Geisha" being a prime example. While this isn’t anywhere close to being a memoir, I chose the "Confessions of an Insomniac" as the title, since I don’t find it objectionable.

There, I just wasted the first three paragraphs explaining the title for this entry. I don’t think I ever did that on other entires.

I haven’t even started. Lately, I am pretty insomniac. Or more like, I got a little nocturnal. I don’t know why, or how it started, but everytime I lie down trying to sleep at night, I find myself awake for at least half an hour more, whereas when I do the same thing in the morning, I fall asleep before you could even spell "Zzz…".

There are even times when I finally fall asleep that I suddenly wake up, then realize that I have merely slept for 5 minutes even though it felt like forever. As of writing this blog, I’m awake, 2:24 AM, trying to make myself sleepy after all in a day’s accomodation with a garrulous gentleman. You think speaking is not a tiring task? Ha! Try saying that after you’ve spoken non-stop for almost 2 hours. I just can’t imagine how that guy never gets tired of speaking, but I digress.

Anyway, here I am, looking for reasons as to why I can’t sleep at night. Here’s the list of what I found:

1. I think too much - A lot of people say I think too much. Malou said it. Tara said it. My parents said it. My siblings said it. At one point in my life, which is today, I said it to myself. What I think, too, are not merely trivial thoughts such as "What is the capital of Zimbabwe?" (I don’t know). Often, what crosses my mind are matters such as "How my fictional characters would react given such situation?", "I wonder what’s up with this (person’s name) lately?", "What would I do if this situation suddenly happens?", "Imagine all your friends put together in (this setting)", or something among those lines of wacky thoughts. I don’t have much background in neurology, but I think it’s harder for people to fall into sleep when they keep putting their brain in the R-mode rather than the conventional L-mode. For those who just didn’t understand what I said in the previous sentence, please refer to this book. (It’s what I’m currently reading, and while I have tried to make it my sleeping aid, it failed, because it’s a book that encourages me to sit up, take a paper and start drawing.)

2. Habit from December - Remember my previous entry about the December Youth Retreat I coordinated in? Although I thoroughly enjoy it, I’m not going to be the last one to say that it’s a severely tiring task. I work my butt off all day, then sleep at 1, or sometimes, even at 3, either to finish tomorrow’s task, or simply bond with people. Although my sleep hours have become longer after I’ve finished the retreat, I still wind up sleeping very late at night. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the real reason why I keep on not being able to sleep well at night.

3. Taiwanese - I don’t like stereotyping or giving labels, but most Taiwanese are prone to sleeping very late at night. Myself, at times, included.

4. Ok, so just one more round of surfing the net - 2 days ago, I tried to sleep at 11:30 PM. Like how it usually is, I told myself "Okay, just one small check in the e-mail and off the bed you go." As it turned out, not only did I check the e-mail, but I also promenaded into GameCritics forum and an hour after ended up writing a blog. It also doesn’t help that my pitiful 56K Modem and its juxtaposed web server (meaning, it’s equally pitiful) offers an unlimited surfing from 12 AM to 8 AM.

So how has my being insomniac affected me? Aside from feeling severely wasted the moment I wake up due to obligatory morning ritual I attend to every morning, I go back to sleep after breakfast and wake up at 11:30 AM. What a way to waste a day.

That’s what my confessions are all about. Admittedly, it was pretty short, but Good Lord, I need to go to bed and find some sleeping aids, pills notwithstanding. I need to get some sleep!

I’m still not sleepy though. :grins:

I hate writing blogs that are related to love. Or, for that matter, I cringe whenever I read any entries which speaks of my admiration for a girl in any diaries that I have written. This is the reason why my high school diary file is deleted (ok, so maybe that’s not completely the reason, but I shudder to think of my possible reaction if I ever got another chance to peruse it) and why my college diary has been neglected since third year of college. I totally forgot about my real purpose of writing a diary just because of this thing called "love" or probably "infatuation". I originally planned to brush up on my writing skill by keeping a journal. Instead, all I ever written, whenever I have a crush on someone, are ramblings that go on forever, which did absolutely nothing in improving my writing, although it did flex my hand muscles.

Two years later, after trying to look aloof and sound disinterested (I only want to get to know cute girls then, and maybe date them, but had no intentions in starting a relationship), I’m finally writing another entry about love, because I’m not even sure if I’m feeling the romantic kind of love again. What happened to me, though, is quite uncanny that I can’t quite describe it. It’s like a moment of sudden revelation in an ordinary day; or given the multitude of person in a crowd, you’re suddenly fixated on that one and only, and suddenly, she’s the only person you can see.

The gist of this entry is about how stupid I suddenly become whenever I find myself attracted to someone. For instance, I sent too many letters to my high school crush that, instead of feeling inspired, she actually got annoyed of me. Then, I kept pestering my first college crush that she now refuses to talk to me, considering that in the first few months since we met, our conversations had usually lasted for an hour.

Two years ago, I had a fixation of this dimples-ridden Heart -lookalike.  I never have a crush on Heart (and I still don’t), but just one smile from this girl could make my heart melt, even just by looking at her picture. One night, she suddenly waved in my direction, complete with that irresistible smile. I thought she saw someone she recognized behind me, but unless she’s some sort of spiritists who can see people from the other side, I’m absolutely sure that it’s me she’s waving at (Besides, I don’t think she would be smiling if she ever sees a ghost). I was paralyzed and overwhelmed, and blood began to rise to my face.

I have no problem speaking in front of a hundred people.

Yet, I have no guts to even wave back, say hello to her and start a get-to-know-each-other conversation with her. Words fail me. Years and years of leadership training for retreats gave me a lot of skills in initiating a conversation with different kinds of people, yet I couldn’t even initiate a conversation to just ONE GIRL!

Memory like that sticks out like a sore thumb. Meanwhile, I no longer stay in school so much because I had been busy with my thesis. Then, I went to work at a place where I cannot see that girl. And then, I graduated. And then, I went to US. And then, one year since that event, we still do not know anything about each other. And she’s now got a boyfriend; not that I would’ve been a better candidate.

Amidst all the grammatical error in that previous paragraph, nothing frustrates me more than how "romantically inept" I can be. In my high school days, and in my early college days, I give out a lot of love advices to people seeking those, yet, I can’t even practice what I preach. Mahatma Gandhi, smite me!

Last summer, I got reunited with another girl. I don’t mean reunited in the sense that I entered a romantic relationship with her, but reunited in the sense that I finally got to see her after almost 2 years. I was very happy to meet her again, even when we were, for 3 days, both busy accomplishing the same goals. Even then, she was doing all she could to help me, more than most other people. Yet, I took that for granted. I didn’t even get to thank her. She cried when I left after 4 days and after having accomplished my obligations. I brought home nothing: not gratitude for her, not the notebook where she wrote me a dedication, not even the pictures we’ve taken for each other, and not even her phone number.

The pictures did eventually reach me, and so did her phone number. For 2 months, before somebody broke my previous SIM card, she consistently called. Much as I appreciate her comforting words and her lovely voice during my lonely nights, I failed to, again, thank her. Instead, I was too absorbed in my on-the-job training. It didn’t help too that I developed a lot of distrust among people after being betrayed by my phony "friends" in the company. That girl was the light, but I failed to see it and could only see the dark.

A few months passed, and right as I was about to accomplish almost the same task as that summer, she appeared, while I was in the middle of something. That was when it happened. I felt a kick in my heart, a tickle in the stomach, and a crimson in my face. I didn’t acknowledge this at first, but as the hours passed, I find myself not wanting to stop thinking of her.

Even as I was bogged, tired and droopy with obligations and lack of sleep, everytime I’m near her, I suddenly reach an inner nirvana. What’s this I’m feeling? Is this it? Is this… whatever! What’s important to me is that, I want her to know that I’ve harbored feelings for her.

Yet, after 4 days, and after fulfilling again my responsibilities, I just let it pass without a word.

Here we go again.

In 4 days, I have spoken in front of 40.

Yet, I have no guts to tell the girl that I like her. Words fail me. Years and
years of leadership training for retreats gave me a lot of skills in making a statement, yet I
couldn’t even tell what I truly feel to just ONE GIRL!

Now, I can only think of her while she goes back to school. I can only look, with a lot of fondness but also a lot of regret, at the pictures we have taken for each other (from both the earlier time and the later time we met last year).

Funny how, between this girl and the one previously mentioned, there’s a bizarre parallel established by my moment of awkward silence.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why I hate writing journals about love (aside from squirming due to mushiness), because they only remind me of the frustrations I’ve gone through just to experience one of the greatest joys of existence. Everytime people bring up the topic about their love life, a lot of sneering happens when it’s my time to talk. Indeed, how I describe myself with regards to love is exactly the words my enemies will be delighted to hear.

It goes: sometimes, I can be really stupid.