Frustrations
Going back to school these days have been quite a saddening experience.
Few years ago, I would be greeted by a lot of familiar faces whenever I set foot within our campus. Now, nobody knows who I am and I have no idea who everyone is.
Part of me want to warp back to that time that, when I want to learn new skills, I can still rely on people rendering teaching services. I want to warp back to that time when I can still leave everything through the course of nature and still have everything turn out well. I can spend saturdays being idle and say "Hey, I need a break every once in a while."
Nowadays, things are different. Way different. I can’t just walk out of my house expecting to randomly see people whom I recognize, and reconnect with them. To meet them, I have to make prior arrangements. Most of whom I know are just too far away, or are just preoccupied with other things. Sometimes it’s the combination of both. I don’t even have any idea what would happen when, next week, I get the chance to see a person I haven’t been seeing for a long time.
I can’t just slack off at Saturdays and say "I need to relax." Have I not relaxed enough during the weekdays seeing as how I’m still job hunting and most of the time, I’m just procrastinating the stuff I should have been doing?
Additionally, just a while ago, I had an exam with ADTX. I am expected to see the result next week but, frankly, what am I to expect? I hurried in problem solving, guessed some answers in technical section, and couldn’t finish 2 out of 4 items in programming section. I can keep on praying for "miracles" or "pardon" to happen, but why should I merely rely on God to rectify my shortcomings?
It saddens me because it made me realize how lackadaisical my mind has been functioning lately. Outside occasional cursory glances to some of my old textbooks, I haven’t exerted much effort in reviewing what I have been taught with. Now, I feel as if my 5 years of hardship are slowly drifting into oblivion. I couldn’t even set straight what function a diamond, a square and a parallelogram is in a flowchart! I must be getting really rusty right now.
Most of all, I get really frustrated these days about not keeping with
my plans for the week. Every Monday, I would list down things I want to
do for the week. Some of them end up half done. Some totally neglected.
Why am I being so unproductive lately?
Therefore, I have to start being strict with my plans. If I want to work as an ECE, I study my subjects. If I want to take GRE, I need to brush up on my English. If I want to work and study in New York, I need to have work experience. If I need to become the coordinator of the next summer camp, I need to start preparing the schedule and the activities. If I want to gain knowledge in programming, I have to start reading my programming books and maybe enroll in I.T. Training courses. Lots of responsibilities, expectations and ambitions, all lost in the morass of bad time management.
Solution? Manage my time better. That’s what I need to be strict about next week. So I request everyone, nag on me until I learn to stick to my plans.
