Hello New Year and Bye Bye Bad Blogs
Hey, Happy New Year to everyone!
In case you’ve wondered about the title, I don’t mean to imply that I’m bidding
farewell to my own blog. That would’ve been a blatant fishing for compliments,
and that’s simply not my style, though it’s a method used by quite a handful of
my friends (like Larry E., for example). Whether you like it or not, I’m
staying, and you just have to deal with my ruthlessness *nasty grins*. While I
don’t believe that my blog doesn’t need improvement – and I wholeheartedly
appreciate comments regarding that - I know for sure that, modesty aside, it’s
not a bad blog. Want to know why?
Because it’s unlike the kind of crap that you’d see all over the Internet.
Oh yes, I’m not kidding! While TIME Magazine may be heaping praises to
Internet-using populace for expressing tremendous amount of creativity on
myspace and youtube, they missed the roughed-up, scratched-up side of the coin
that brings out the Two-Face in Harvey Dent. Like all genre of music, movie,
and fiction, for every single masterpiece made, millions of junks follow suit.
And with blogs – written or videotaped - it’s no different. Like reality, the
world of blogging isn’t all roses and petals. Internet bandwidths are also
wasted for blogs that are pure work of emptyheadedness and sheer idiocy.
And I don’t have any power to change that, despite the declarative nature of
this entry’s title. I don’t have the authority to extirpate bad blogs from the
ones that are worth a read. All I can do is make my voice heard, by enumerating
the kinds of blog that I refuse not giving my thumbs down to. I’m just being
candid and seeing if others feel the same way. By doing so, I hope that in an
indirect and tactful way, I can get these bloggers to realize that something
needs to be changed; and to get their (gasp!) readers to realize that they
should stop with their acquiescent bootlickings and instead disapprove in the
face of mediocrity. And since I’m not naming any names, I’ll fabricate a mock
example for reference; so you’ll see me do bad writing at the same time.
And now, without further ado, let’s us begin as to what constitutes a
terrible blog.
1. Pretentious philosophical-rhetorical psychobabble
I believe that there’s a way to write a good philosophical piece, and that
is by balancing reachability with pragmatic intelligence. Confucius is a prime
example. He doesn’t have to resort to high-flown diction to prove the
significance of his philosophies. However, many bloggers do not realize this,
and thought waxing meandering rhetorics while using sesquipedalians is
inherently charming. Guess what, It isn’t. It’s boring. Reading it is like
getting your tongue stuck on a frozen pole: you don’t get anything out of it
but bad taste.
Example:
In a lonely plane of existence called the physical world there is a
duality in the nature of individuals that inhabits these spherical mass of
land. Sometimes the compulsion is on the aggression and other times it’s on the
idleness, but can one ultimately define the underlying trauma that causes each
to emboss a unique frustration when one of them dominates of the soul? Who is
there to say whether each nature can inherently concur that a certain action is
to lead to a path paved with Divine illumination? To the idle, overworking is
the anathema while to the aggressive, underworking is the parasite that leeches
our very nature of existence. Yet we do not realize the capriciousness that
dominate each man, which may cause him to set different standards to what is
moral to amoral. So which of the two is better and where does it take us?
2. Emo overkill
I’m not the most voracious reader of poems, but I do think that there’s an
artful way of expressing emotions and that subtlety is the key to classiness.
On the other hand, I will never understand what makes overstated teenage angst
and emo rock so popular these days. And I will never understand why people
believe that blogs that oozes of poems rife with “frustrations” crypticisms are,
in itself, a compelling read. They’re not. They’re embarrassing, whether
dictated or sung – usually by a male with a lowish kind of voice. Composers of
such poems may not immediately agree, but go ahead, give it at least week of
unread, then try to revisit it with a straight face. Believe me, I’ve been
there before to say with all conviction that it’s awful.
Example:
Upon the stars is an ocean of unwritten words,
That speak of ways of connecting constellations,
If only it’s the same way with us.
The gap between you and me is as wide as a medieval sword,
And it doesn’t cut the walls, but pierces my heart with lacerations,
With soliloquy for this so near yet so solitary stratus.
3. Retard’s diaries
While the previous twos deal with trying too hard to impress, here we have a
situation where a blog is written without any forethought. I wonder if it ever
occurred to the author that blog is supposed to be public: that is, to be READ
by someone other than the self. If a blogger wants to garner readers, s/he best
be putting thoughts into each word instead of spilling whatever without any
connection and grammatical correction. Unless you’re as popular as Paris Hilton
– a phenomenon so infinitely vexing – nobody cares for textual display of lack
of intelligence, unless of course you’re intentionally being funny. And
nobody’s forcing you to blog if you lack the writing prowess. The library
helped me too.
Example:
2day was rad day cuz I was, like, givn a Teddy bear by my rich bf. Dey r
both so cuuuute and adorable dats y I juz wanna hug dem til 2mrw. My bf
confessed his luv 2 me n d park whyl ppl stroll by. I evn hrd an old woman
criticize bt *heller* wt ds she knw abt us 2 b? nywayz im so hapi dat i found
sme1 like my honey n plz ppl stop being judgmental u dun understand us. Bye bye
and I *heart* u mwahugz!
4. Songs’ Lyrics
Oh sure. It’s not like we can easily search for a
songs’ lyrics in the internet. It’s not like Google has made virtually
everything within the reach of a click. It’s not like people actually create a
dedicated site that keeps all those lyrics. No, not at all. That’s why
they need to be blogged.
In all honesty, it’s a well-established (and
often proven) notion that songs’ lyrics don’t often make a good poetry. They
may sound great when sung, but when recited, seldom do they actually qualify as
good literature. So why they should be blogged I have no idea. I’ve never seen
any blog with songs’ lyrics that was able to grip any audience. Why does common
sense elude many bloggers?
Example (do I really need to? Oh, fine…):
Y-M-C-A!!!
5. Attention-seeking Drama
I don’t see this so often, but I have nothing but
distaste towards blogs of drama-kings or queens. Post an ugly comment on
his/her blog and s/he’d start another entry about haters. Wow. Talk about
fishing for love.
Example:
I know that everybody’s entitled to their own
opinion, but if you do not respect my views then please stop wasting your time
reading my blog! You know I read your comments and you know who you are, but
there’s nothing I hate more than haters. So to all those haters, please get a
life and go annoy someone else because I’m good looking and you’re not! And
you’re just jealous that your blog isn’t featured.
6. Preachy platitudes
If there’s anything that infuriates me, it’s
waxing rhetorics that are full of cliches aimed at giving life’s advices. It’s
cheesy to the corniest degree, and it loses me at hello. Again, there’s an art
of giving great lecture about life, but squeezing it with overused metaphors
make it lose a lot of impact. And what’s the point of any lecture if it loses
audience right from the outset?
Example:
What is love? Love is blind but it is destiny
and it conquers all. It is the greatest thing in life and we need to experience
it to know the true meaning of happiness. Because life is so short and time is
gold, let’s make the most of it by spreading love. But do not judge the book by
its covers for love may come at the unlikeliest places.
