It’s hard to move on
There are so many people who
love to overcomplicate simple matters; unfortunately, I’m the person who wishes
things could be simpler, but has been shoehorned in a lot of complicated
situations. My history happens to be one of the many unwanted complexities that
put me on many tight spots.
Anyone who’s ever talked to
me knows that I’m one of the more isolated people you’ll encounter; it’s not
because I enjoy being alone, but it’s because I am forcibly distant from people
who I want to relate to, but couldn’t.
When I finished my first
year of high school, I was frustrated with a lot of things. I was scorned by
teachers and adults (and the feelings were mutual), bullied by many seniors (whose head and arse you couldn’t tell apart),
and I wasn’t happy with where my life was headed. Afraid of eventually becoming
a delinquent, I finally decided to start anew by transferring to a school -
Bacolod Tay Tung High School (BTTHS) - that is many islands away from my home
and my will-be former school - Chiang Kai Shek College (CKSC). This was a very
hard decision for me, for I had to leave behind all of my friends that I have
spent possibly seven years with.
I made a lot of new friends
in my new school, BTTHS, and my life turned for the better. Of course, rumor
has it that I’ve become a better man *roll eyes*. This I have been very
thankful of. After having spent 3 years in Bacolod,
I decided to come back to Manila to pursue my college degree in De La Salle University. While I was sad at what
had yet become another farewell – albeit a more sentimental one since my friendship
with a lot of people in Bacolod ran very deep - I was happy that I could
finally be able to, after a long separation, revisit my Manila friend again - and relive the good times -
all while showing them that I have become a changed man.
Nothing in life stays the same, and things didn’t turn out as good as I had thought.
Yes, I’ve made many
conscious efforts in continuing the same kind of relationships with the friends that I’d left
before, as though continuing a book from where I’ve left off. I even tried to
reconcile with enemies from the past. I was successful at the latter, and I
felt good about it.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t very
happy with the way things turned out with my elementary and 1st year high
school friends and acquaintances (except for Randolph, of whom to these days I maintain close
communications to). I feel like they have become strangers; and it’s hard to blame them, for the changes of priorities,
attitudes, beliefs and the way of life go both ways. Even if they appeared to
be happy about hearing from me again, their lives continue to unfold like
sceneries from the other side of a window, and I have neither involvements nor invitations to
participate in whatever good times they’re creating with each other.
Friendster has played an
important role in reuniting me with my former friends, but that’s all it ever
did. It didn’t make be belong to a group where I used to belong. It didn’t send me any invitations to reunions whose participants were mostly my elementary classmates.
When I click on their friendster profiles, all I see are photos of them happy
with each other. I don’t see myself. Then I start longing and start feeling bitter about not having shared any of these experiences, while at the same time I feel that I shouldn’t impose myself on them.
Maybe it’s time I stop
lamenting about the tides of changes, and maybe it’s time I start creating good
memories with the people close to me or the people that will eventually come my
way. Maybe if my life wasn’t so full of separations, then things could be a lot less complicated.
I still am sad that I don’t hang around with the people that I used to be with more than a decade ago. Isn’t it a pity? How I wish
things were different and a lot better than that, but I guess that’s just how
life is, and that I have to move on.
March 8th, 2007 at 4:43 am
life goes on! :p Hey,u still got me!!! :))