Destination Unknown

I love all my family members, but sometimes I can be so resentful with what they do to me. I’m always living up to their expectations and I’m never shown any signs of being accepted for what I am. Worst of all, it is only recently when they impose the pressure of their demands to the heaviest degree.

All this would’ve been understandable have I been a bum, spending more hours asleep than awake, and spending all waking hours playing MMORPG’s, wasting money or making inconsequential phone calls. But that is far from the case and their timing couldn’t have been worse! I work 9-5, and I spend my remaining free time studying web designs and polishing my drawing skills. When I have been asked to do so, I teach my knowledges of web design to my elder brother; and on weekends I try to devote some time going out with my family members just to make them happy.

Am I met with appreciation? No, far from it! I’ve been sleeping late because if I’m not teaching my brother, then I’m doing my best to morally support him (while also doing a lot of self-studying). And what do I get? I get told by my deadpanned brother not to bother with him anymore, and then knowing for a fact that I sleep late (usually beyond 12), he still insists on waking me up — by shouting like a mix of dictatorial sergeant and a fits-throwing kid — on 630 when my standard wake-up time is 7 (which, incidentally, was earlier than his wake-up time back when he was employed). And is that all? No! Whenever I try to get additional 1-2 hours of sleep during weekends, I get all sorts of accusations about how much of a lazy bone I am. What, am I forbidden to have 8 hours of rest per day? Can’t anyone ever grasp the concept that unlike my brother, my idea of having a healthy lifestyle does not involve sleeping late, waking up early and using caffeine-induced drinks to stay mentally sharp?

And that’s not the end of it. I haven’t been striving before the same way as I do now, and what I get are criticisms for having a long hair and for being slightly overweight. Gggreat. Way to derail. Way not to give credit where it’s due. I guess they want to auction my hair on eBay. It’s as though the good deeds that I do pass through their head at 12km per second, but every faults I have they magnify with electron-microscope (and then treat it with razor-sharp diatribes).

Would it kill for my family members to become a little more generous with compliments? I know our schedules haven’t been more hectic, but they need to understand that all of us are trying really hard just to ensure that we’re not wasting our lives. It wouldn’t be so bad if we support each other instead of just pointing fingers with all eyes on me. I’ve been proud of my parents’ and my siblings’ accomplishments, yet the only reward I get is a one way ticket to nags-ville. It’s driving me nuts. So what if I couldn’t be perfect? Am I beleaguering them with some impossibly high standards? No. Do I have to beg just so they can offer me a praise? Certainly. Am I met with this amount of disdain just for not cutting my hair, for not doing my blankets properly, for being 85 kg and for waking up 30 minutes later than what they want? Why, yes! To think that it’s not even like I get late for office, aren’t they blowing things a wee bit out of proportion?

With their stinginess in giving words of appreciation, it’s no wonder I’ve never been open about my some of my skills and that I’ve never developed them until recently. With the people living under the same roof as I always complaining about what I do, how am I supposed to feel encouraged? One doesn’t teach by preaching and giving long-winded lectures; one teaches by listening, sympathizing, and then motivating.