Desperadas
Ladies and gentlemen, let me present one of this year’s entries for
MMFF. Directed by Paul Wilson Gardon, it stars Ruffa Gutierrez, Rufa
Mae Quinto, Iza Calzado and Marian Rivera, and it is about four women
who… ah what the heck writing synopsis is so boring, so please just
read it elsewhere.
I give you, Desperadas. Click that link, view the trailer, read the synopsis, and then come back to me.
My thoughts?
This is a fantastic showmanship of creative
prowess! It totally does not remind me of Desperate Housewives. In
fact, this movie’s name couldn’t resemble that sitcom less!
Seriously, what is the deal?! Movies like this are made, and then nominated for MMFF (which should stand for Many Mucus Festering Forward)?
Should I be saddened that the Philippine cinema is, once again after a
Billion times, imitating another popular Hollywood show? Should I be
amused that this particular movie is aping a show that has not been very kind to Filipinos?
Should I laugh at how movies like this are considered "worthy of
accolades"? Or should I be angry that it stars Ruffa Gutierrez, an
obnoxious celebrity hall-of-(in)famer? Gee I am so ambivalent SOMEBODY
PLEASE HELP ME DEVELOP MY EQ WALA AKONG
E-KYOOOOOO!!!!!!!111111111111111
It’s bewildering how a lot of Filipino directors
refuse to pitch in any original ideas, and instead they are content on
copying international films. Why? Don’t they feel any shame? It’s like
none of them ever want to take risks and make movies that change
people, and all they do is create formulaic "sure box office hits" that
do not have any relevant messages, but will sell anyway because people
will eat them up so they could see all these sexy actresses and corny
scenarios. "Nevermind that we’re giving our film industry a
negative image, as long as we can earn money and party on Embassy who
cares about creativity and all that jazz, right?!" Huzzah! And
speaking of sexy actresses, I wonder if Marian Rivera wasn’t selected
because of her timely popularity. If this movie made last year, would
the director even choose her and not Angel Locsin? DING! Didn’t think
so myself; I guess the only thing important these days is if the
actress appears on Men’s Magazines or not.
You know what, we need a Desperate Housewives
episode that has Teri Hatcher saying, "OK, before we go any further,
can I check these scripts? Just to make sure they aren’t, like, from
some film studio in the Philippines?" And then cue the picket lines of
outraged Filipinos crying "racism" and "bigotry", the blogs tossing
highfaluting vocabulary (or is it vogue-call-bull-gallery?) to spite
American producers for not understanding our real talent, and the
fandom-ish comments saying Americans are "gaytards". Then the American
producers will counterattack by presenting "Lupin, Asian Treasures,
Marimar, and Zaido" as evidence, but Filipinos will curse them anyway
for their insensitivity, until someone from the government will "level"
the debate by delivering a boring ass speech! Everyone will kiss and
make up, and it’s back to business for everyone. That will be something
worth watching, definitely better than wasting your bucks on Desperadas.
I wonder if we’ll get Bayani or Dr. Bahay or Tulak Sampaguita next year.
