My Streams of Consciousness
I have a friend who lives near me, and he has a
girlfriend who also lives nearby. His girlfriend and I also happen to
be working in the same area, so we often take the same public vehicles
home.
But despite all these, and despite us being quite
familiar of each other’s appearances, we’ve never spoken to each other.
Truth to be told, I’d love to talk to her. My life’s been such a bore
since this year started. Really, I’d love to talk to anyone. But after
seeing her body language, I change my mind.
To be exact, with or without her boyfriend
besides, she deliberately ignores my presence and pretends to be
asleep. She does not “wake” even if I’m chatting with her boyfriend -
and I’m not much of a chatter in real life so I don’t believe that I’m
disrupting their “conversation time” at all - perhaps to show that she
has no interest in what I’m saying. What’s the deal with that? She
thinks I lack the cognitive skills to see through her put-ons? So,
yeah, this jeep we were on skidded abruptly, and her legs stood on the
same spot instead of being pulled by inertia.
If she candidly admits not wanting to be my
friend, I’d have been cool. But these acts do not simply suggest so.
They also suggest that I’m not worth being respected. Point taken,
since she’s trying to imply that I lack intelligence. That’s
perhaps the worse kind of dissing anyone can get, and I hope she does
not become the receiving end of it from someone else. I’m only
disappointed of her using such a dumb tactic to imply that I lack
intelligence, and I sure like to know what kind of dimwit will believe
in her façade.
Whenever I’m not pissed off about other people,
I’m pissed off about myself. And this self-loathing peaks whenever I
lack inspiration. Perhaps you know that I’ve been taking up classes on
web design. I’m currently doing my final project, and I’m trying to
make it a magnum opus of sorts. Now if only I could come up with
anything I’d find aesthetically pleasing.
I went to multiple bookstores and, in my hunger
for ideas, browsed through a few coffee-table books, none of which left
me feeling sated. Blargh! As I was about to leave the mall, I heard a
melodious call of my name, and that was it, my inspiration: a
resplendent woman, who I’ve met three years ago and thus far have only
seen thrice in my whole life. I was overwhelmed with the desire of
lolling around with her, but our meeting was cut short, because she had
to attend a meeting.
And then I recall that I’ve never talked to her for longer than 10 minutes. I griped.
So there goes my inspiration, coming and going as
fugaciously as a soda’s fizz. I looked at her go, and I looked at her
blur. And I wondered why everyone is so busy.
Two girls, different sentiments, but all bitter. Perhaps, just another day in my life?
