Banality
I don’t know what’s happening to me. Last week I could still be
awake at 2 AM without feeling a hint of drowse. But since three days
ago, I’ve been sleeping early. Like, from 9 PM all the way to 6 AM.
Having a day of long, uninterrupted sleep is fine with me, but three
days of that and I get irritated. I feel like I should, instead, spend
two more hours doing more productive things, like, I dunno, surfing the
net! Or playing videogames!
I don’t have the data, but I’m think most people of my generation
dislike sleeping early. At least I can attest such claim whenever I
look at my brother, who often retires later than 12. He usually draws,
makes 3d arts or read books until then. Maybe it’s not good for his
health, and maybe he should stop drinking too many caffeinated drinks
to keep him awake, but at least he does finish a lot of stuff. The only
thing I have accomplished since 3 days ago is outline a report, which I
really should make more elaborate. To make things worse, I’ve been
waking up not on very high spirits since this week. I feel that way
because of not having anything to look forward to.
So, few days after Holy Week vacation, I’m bored again. It’s not
good to have nothing to look forward to during summer, because at least
back when I was a student, summer was always the time for celebration,
for relaxation, for going to beaches or for going to foreign lands. I’m
two years out of school now and this is my third summer as someone who
works, but it’s only this year when my summer has become so dull.
There’s not a word of having a company outing. I won’t to see the girl
I met in Bora last year. My sister’s not coming back from US (but since
when has she come back since she left, 7 years ago?). I’m out of touch
with some of my closer friends. I’ve been overspending on cheap thrills
and not receiving any satisfaction. I’m having a reader’s block (err,
it’s like writer’s block, except it’s more of losing the capability and
the desire to read). The further "urbanizations" of my immediate
surroundings have become blase. I’m only 24, but fate seems determined
to claw away all my youthful energies.
I miss my passionate self! I miss waking up everyday with the "I’m
ready to take the world by storm" swagger. Cliche and obnoxious all
these successful people’s pep talks may be, there’s something about
their optimism that I admire. I don’t feel that being passive while
maintaining these bleak outlooks will do my sanity any good. I need a
stimulant. I need activity, and not one that’s overfamiliar.
And you just read a blog post that goes nowhere. Durrr
